Due Blame

Just this moment I’ve listened to this first episode and boy, oh boy, do I have some thoughts for you guys.

Looks like they’re building up to my storyline, so you don’t know why I am where I am yet. That’s exciting. I hope that I live up to the mysterious legend of a man that I am in your head right now. This Smooth Motherbucker still has plenty of time to shine.

In this first episode, we hear Margaret “Milksop” Anjou making her infamous, desperate call to the police, droning on about how The Yorks stole everything out from under her nose!

We then hear about some of the key Yorks in our epic tale. Edward is the weak leader who dies in about ten minutes. George is his brother, who disappears in about twelve minutes. And then, off-handedly, we hear about the youngest sister, Richie. I wonder if she’s going to become important later.

The story of why “Empty-Headed” Edward brought the wrath of “Milksop” Anjou down on us goes like this: he took so much money from her and her company that it drove her son to suicide with all of the guilt that he’d caused it. It gave all of us Yorks a chance at the comfortable life that she’d been hoarding (and sometimes you’ve got to bring the dragon down a peg or two).

When we disappeared, Margaret paid for the services of the sketchy-as-fuck private investigators known as The Lancasters. I don’t know how you could be so dense as to listen to this advert and not realise that they’re full of shit. (I mean that music, come on.)

However, even a blind pig can sniff out a truffle once in their lives, especially when it’s placed right under its nose. 

Once Edward bit the bucket (told you) and was replaced by his wife Elizabeth “Emetic” York, her attempts to fund some miracle malarky were no longer required. She lost all composure and leaked all of our information to said “blind pigs” (someone with the brain of a five-year-old could have avoided leaking this information).

And this brought The Lancasters sniffing around our back door.

For a supposedly put-together group, this pressure caused everyone to buckle. George showed his true colours, disappeared (told you) into a wind of farts, and crop-dusted the rest of us. Elizabeth snapped and pushed the poor numskull she was in the midst of scamming ahead of her own soul into hell.

I have to say though, as much as I dislike the woman, it sounded like she’d slipped and genuinely begun to care for the big prat. Hopefully, the judge presiding over her case sees this and goes easy on her (not!).

Then, oh look, we return to that “Richie” woman who was mentioned earlier. She was important after all. And apparently, she’s been “muddling along” in the background of all of these events. 

As much as I’ve moved on, we’ve got some history, so I refuse to say anything more about her. All respect to the creators of this show, but I think her capabilities here are a little overblown. She’s never been able to get one over on me, but it sounds like they’re going to make their case for why this is her “peace [sic] de resistance”. 

I wonder if they’ll be able to convince me (not!).

You’re now all caught up on Rich: The Podcast. Find the next episode here: richthepodcast.com/episodes